I have no catchy title

I'm not sure how long this will be as it's a pseduo update and rambling post.  We are back home and settled now.  We got back last week actually but in all of the confusion and emotional upheaval it didn't really seem like a good time to post.  My buddy, Baxter the pug, ran away the morning we left.  He was safely returned the night after we left but everyone was very upset in the interim.  Let me not say everyone.  The grownups were all kinds of upset.  The six and three year old were more upset that their aunt was leaving.  I really appreciated that more than they will ever know because it made me smile a lot to be with them.  However, it also made me think of some other things too.  Another birthday has passed for me.  I'm not sure if I mentioned that or not because we were busy packing, shopping, shipping and all that good stuff for my nieces.  So as of 2 weeks and 6 hours or so ago I am now another year older.  And for most of the last few years I've resigned myself to the babies were probably not on my agenda between the whole being single, taking care of mom, trying to get myself sorted out as an adult stuff I had going on.  But as I was woken up almost every morning by small faces who were just excited to see me I started second guessing that.  And as I was leaving with cranky grown ups and sad little people something hit me.  At some point they won't be little people excited to see me anymore.  I have other nieces and nephews and the I'm bored and all grown ups are stupid phase is on the horizon.  Not to mention that well before that phase their parents just may have other plans for their holidays.  So all the hugs and face crawling and giggling and playing that I get in abundance now will likely disappear sooner as opposed to later.  But I really don't want it to.  I love munchkins.  I am actually the friend that volunteers to babysit or stay home while the adults go out drinking or just seeing a movie that isn't PG4 lol.  Plus I have been well stocked in kiddie movies and books for quite some time.  After we get through the early year projects I think I am going to at least attempt to go through the training in order to either be a foster parent or adoptive parent.  There are three or four major projects ahead of that but it's mostly house stuff that would actually help that out more than not.

Ok moving on.  I need to squeeze in one more workout this month and I will have done 52 for the year.  That averages out to one a week even though I know the vast majority of them happened from mid September to now.  Regardless the Lone Star Pinup experience got me back to working out for me because I need to and the health benefits and bit of weight loss have been great.  I have been fleshing out my bucket list again.  I don't know if I readded pinup photos but I should.  I did add visiting family more and will adhere to that but I do need to work on developing my tiny branch of family because well it may just be me on some holidays and I need to not be a loser sad and mopey when or if that occurs.  So partially to escape from too much alone time with mom I ran out to take care of a few thing. I started at Midas to get the check engine light cleared up cause it was freaking me out.  Minor fix needed.  I went to the library to get a cd on hold after I went by the local Y to sign up for swimming lessons.  I haven't gone swimming since I was a child but, and you'll laugh, I've taught other people to swim since then.  I swam like a fish before my parents got divorced but something about being under the water when I knew what water could really do just messed with my head.  Well I found a class for the grown folks and will be there in a few weeks to try to get through the six week class.  I figure if nothing else I have for sure exercise for an hour once a week.  Now that isn't replacing a gym day as far as I'm concerned it will be an add to the work out weeks.  I will tell you how freaked out I get of course.  However, this is also a bucket list item and I want to be able to really enjoy any of those foreign countries I may get to with lovely sandy beaches.  Now to find a suit that doesn't make me look like Danny Devito from Batman Returns.

As for my hair, yeah I said if I didn't make it to the gym today I'd wash it but I did and now I want to get one more in and then I'll wash it and do not a whole lot else besides wash clothes and sleep until I cook on New Year's Day.  We'll be having duck and not sure yet.  I made a bunch of new salads and I grabbed a bunch of random things we can have as sides.  I will b the last day to eat any old thing and then it's back to healthier options at all times.  Not the healthiest cause seriously I don't love veggies enough to do that but I have added quite a few to my well that's tasty list over the last two years so I will keep experimenting.

I haven't made any resolutions yet and may not.  I'm in the middle of a mental overhaul about my life and what I want and that seems to be guiding me well.  Who knows?  I need to finish my good thoughts jar for the year and get ready for the next year.  I have to redo a few of them because my jar apparently got lost in the move even though I pretty much know what was on them.  Oh and because one photo is done from the shoot I will share it.

Ego is Bruised and Battered and there are no cute bartenders in my house

I'm tired ladies (and gents--if you visit I'm not sure you do).  I did a quick run to the grocery store so I could start on my hair and haven't touched it since I got home.  Been hanging out on the net and watching tv and arguing about things I'm passionate about which led to a snippy comment from someone I really don't know well but given everything else that has happened today it was just enough to go ahead and shut me down.

You all know, I think you do anyway, that my mother lives with me and has for almost a decade.  When I was on internship I got a frantic call from one of my aunts who said my mother was dying.  I was 28 years old and was confronted with the possibility that before I turned 29 both of my parents would be dead.  We lost my father in May of 2001 so in November of 2004 I was prepared to swear off all holidays and become a hermit.  I managed to make it home and find out that no she wasn't dying but she did have a pretty nasty brain tumor that had to be removed.  Surgery was fine, only one seizure--which is how we found out that she had the tumor in the first place--post surgery and possibility of full recovery.  Well physically she's mostly okay at this point.  She gets tired when she needs to walk too far and using the shopping cart to support her instead of a walker cause that would mean she was old.  Mentally and emotionally though totally different story.  She's my mother so while she drives me crazy I won't put her out but it has taken everything in me some days to not seriously consider her dropping her off at adult day care for a day or twelve.  She does inconsiderate things, flat out rude things and inconceivable things routinely and it has impacted our relationship of course but more than that it has strained her relationship with my brother and sister in law.  Mom doesn't work because of the memory issues she has had post surgery so they want her to visit the grandkids and mom is quite positive my sister in law is just this shy of satan so she refuses to go without me.  Granted I haven't been working lately but yeah kinda have to conserve funds for the move.  I'm sure you're wondering what this has to do with what happened today.  I was just trying to give you appropriate back story.

Why Raising a 61 Year Old is Hard or I Wish I had money for shoes

I know I've mentioned that mom lives with me and I think I mentioned why.  Regardless, today after I got up early and reached out to the job site about what I would need in order to take the position I got a knock on my door.  My mother was sad and accusatory because my sister in law had reached out about her lack of visiting and was very upset.  They know my mother is difficult at times but I don't think they fully understand that her emotionally maturity level is probably around the same point as their kids.  If she can't get what she wants how she wants it then she doesn't want it and won't go to whatever it is.  I get why they are upset, I need a break from her and would be happy for her to spend more time with her grand kids.  I've said as much but every year post surgery she gets more and more obstinate about what she is willing to tolerate and how long she is willing to visit if I won't be there.  These moments make me miss dad all the more because he LOVED kids and would be all over the grandfather thing. Oh well.

I really want these shoes but either can't find them in my size or can't find them without paying 60 bucks on them--yeah can't do that for Oxfords I saw in Marshall's for 16 bucks.  So if you see a sale or the other pair in a size 9 please let me know.