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May 2, 2013

Life's a Blur and then you collapse

I have been all kind of sluggish and busy the last few weeks so I should update you on what has been going on.  Short of washing my hair I had nothing major on my proverbial agenda.  Just watching the money to make sure the old lady and I don't get kicked out prematurely.  Don't worry we won't but I'm the one that worries about these things because my mother does not.  After a talk with my brother yesterday I realized that we both do and again I think it's because my mother didn't.  Neither one of us shop for sport.  We try to save where we can, we rarely indulge and we're pretty practical. Not bad things to get from a parent I get but we got them because of her not from her which seems different.  And another common refrain from our childhood resurfaced in that while my mother provided the financial support the person who raised my brother was me.  He's right unfortunately.  I helped with the homework, got him to school, signed off on assignments because mom wouldn't or didn't, and when I was leaving for college understanding he was a bit of a dumbass with dumbass friends made sure he went to live with my father who was thrilled to have him and there was much less opportunity for dumbassery.  It all worked out for the best for everyone but mom who 20 years post is still a bit bitter about that whole thing.  As they say though your reality is largely based on your memory and hers is sketchy about these things.

Okay that went totally off tangent, I didn't have much to do.  I'm still hunting for a house for the move but I did secure movers at a decent rate and we're moving full steam ahead towards a garage sale/purging of old baggage.  It's odd tossing things away, what to keep, what isn't important, what did you bother to get that for in the first place.  I have clothes to donate, books and cookbooks to sale and magazines to recycle or toss.  I'm not done with one closet so more will be leaving my sphere but it feels good to unburden some of these things from my life.  In that vein I was reading a book one of my sorority sisters recommended called 7 an experimental mutiny against excess by Jen Hatmaker.  Especially at this moment it seem apropos to read but turns out I don't really do excess as it is.  I keep clothes until they kinda come unraveled, I have maybe 15 pairs of shoes but I routinely only wear a few pair, and books are my real only major indulgence.  Nonetheless I'm still clearing out even if the book didn't inspire me to do so.  Mom can take a few pieces, the rest will go to shelters or donation centers.  Heck I'm even getting rid of old movies I know we don't watch or need.  It feels good to really downsize for some reason.  In the next two months I'll work on shedding as much as I can.  Maybe I can move into new digs even more in a sense of who I am and what I want.

Thankfully my hair is doing it's own thing without too much attention from me.  It's growing and filling in so there is a TINY section that isn't quite a mini afro but the other bits of edge that broke up after the last relaxer have been reclaimed and feel kind of spongy.  That's probably not the best word.  Definite puff of hair there, gray hair mind you but hair.  I'm sure it would do better if I did but thankfully it's kind of on autopilot and when my brain has shut off from the mundane it keeps handling things on its own.  Here's an update photo.

So this is where I am, getting ready for a move, being lazy thus no working out, not really overeating but definitely not starving and feeling in flux.  It's partially because I think WAY too much about everything.  I enjoy it more when I don't think so much but that doesn't happen often.  And in minor miracle news I had a good talk with mom and my brother separately that I hope gets everyone back on the right track in terms of happy loving family time.  We'll see.  Anyhoo, I'm going to finish watching a bit of Under the Tuscan Sun which has been on the entire time I've been writing and get ready for the daily installment of debauchery I allow myself--The Young and the Restless.  Oh and another reason came to me today why my brother is seriously like the coolest human I know save myself of course lol--he gets why the ID channel totally rocks.  Adios, au revoir, see ya next time.

PS the insomnia is getting a little bit better.

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