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December 22, 2012

Accepting That My Mother is Crazy & Other Resolutions

This year has lead to a lot of surprising things.  I finally left a job that was stealing my joy and found a new one quickly thankfully which let me figure out my next moves.  I've started teaching again which while busy is so much more fun than working just the one job I had prior to now.  I've started making moves to get myself closer to my family and out in the job market in general.  I'm also trying to restart my research too which is necessary if I ever want to get a full time teaching position ever.

After lots of frustration and no major changes in sight, I ended another long-term relationship.  I thought about it a few weeks ago and over the last decade I've been in a relationship with nothing in the way of progression.  And in an ironic twist there's nothing to really accuse the other person of doing that made it crash and burn.  Circumstances and commitments can screw up the best laid plans.  So now I'm single, no munchkins and I still have a crazy old lady living with me (even though I doubt she'd ever hold up her end of the bargain about leaving for two years after I got married).  Speaking of McCrazy I have now realized that no matter what I do, say, think, or imagine my mother is going to continue to behave like a hormonal teenager.  She has made almost every conversation we've had in the last two months into an argument about some perceived slight that I inflict but not doing x.  The next conversation when I do x she's mad about y.  And I can avoid fictional thing, x, and y there is g to look out for.  Yes I know that's not z but there's nothing logical about these conversations at all.  It's very frustrating but if I want to remain mostly mentally healthy and out of jail I really am just going to have to ignore her.  It's not an ideal way to coexist but nothing else I've tried has worked.  My resolution for 2013 is to just let her tantrums go by the way side.  Ok moving on.  And this post may be long so you've been warned, just stop now if you're easily bored by lots of babbling.

So I've been hinting at the major personal refurbish for myself beginning in 2013.  I've been indulging in almost every sweet and horrible food for myself (not really horrible just not being super healthy) because I plan on scaling way back in the new year along with restarting my exercise routine.  The cupcakes are still yummy, the pizza has been delicious and that's really all I've been overindulging in because I'm lazy and those things are easily grabbed in my house right now.  There are a few good reasons why it's time for the reboot/refurbish. 

One well I've shown that I can stick to something for myself.  I haven't always been 100 percent fantastic but I'm around 18 months into my healthy hair journey and I have thicker, longer and healthier hair as a result.  Dealing with my hair is always more time consuming than working out so I need to quit letting McCrazy deter me from getting my sweat on just because she's being stalkerific and refusing to work out with me at the same time.  Honestly, I'm not sure I'd want the company anyway because she complains after about five minutes and then tells everyone how hard she worked out today.  Being more physically healthy will definitely help out the hair growth too but really I'm 37 now and if I don't get my weight and overall health under control now I'm not sure when I would.  So I'm hoping this will be part two of being really good to myself and not giving up and giving in just because I can.

Phase two of this is something I've wanted to do forever and will tap into my vintage loving side as well.  I'm hoping to drop at least forty pounds by the end of the year.  Considering the sweets will be cut back and I'm not drinking much beyond crystal light flavored water, as long as I can do more balanced eating--not just meat, not skipping carbs and veggies more often--I think that's realistic.  If I can lose more that would be fantastic but that's four pounds a month even though I hope to shoot for more as much as I can.  That still won't make me super healthy in terms of alleged appropriate weight but it should put me out of the 16/18 pants range for the first time in a long time.  Heck my pants are a little too big now as it is but a lot too big would be much more enjoyable.  I totally rambled off there.  Ok the second thing the weight loss would allow me to do better in my brain is to take a set of pinup photos this time next year.  I might do it earlier so they are ready for my birthday but I really would rather take myself a nice trip post Christmas and make a New Year's event of it.  I've been looking at different photographers and have been surprised at how many there were, how many just weren't what I was looking for and how many options I had to play with.  The cheaper ones don't tend to include costumes and I know for certain I won't be investing in ones that are the right size at that point.  The most expensive packages create your own calendar but I really don't want a calendar so I may ask them closer to session time can it be prints and not a calendar.  I mean it's not like I can hang it up anywhere but my bedroom and I'd get bored staring at my boobs all year.  None of them are close to where I am or where I may end up so it would be a vacation present for me for sure lol.  It would be an escape from mom which can never be a bad thing.  Well at least not a bad thing for me. 

The other thing I'm trying to do is develop new hobbies that help me relax or that I just enjoy.  I like reading but I can find 19K things to do instead of that.  I'd like something that keeps my hands busy and my brain focused as well.  I asked for a knitting/crocheting book for my birthday along with the kit I got a Hobby Lobby so that will be one of the efforts at least.  I'm going to try to read more empowerment books and I'm going to spend a bit of time consulting a few different magazines on organizing and letting go of things.  I don't want to enter my 40s the same semi mess I've been for the last 30 odd years.  I'm not a mess but I'm not as on top of things as I'd like to be.  So give me hobby suggestions, new music to check out, whatever.  I found a few songs I want to listen to again as I was browsing the photography websites.  If you know of a good one that you'd like to recommend do that as well please.  Especially anyone that does good work with ethnic models.  I'm chocolatey lol.  This is a major project of the no more cheap movement for myself but I'll be exploring that more as I can as well.  Okay that's it for now.  I'll be back tomorrow with hair stuff I'm sure.


  1. Wow, you have a lot going on. Your explanation of your mothers irrational behavior is funny. I am also interested in pinup photos for my hubby. He's a truck driver, I'm sure he'd appreciate it. Also hobbies, humph, still working on that one. Hair is my only hobby, but I was once a "readingandwalking" reader. I get what you're saying. A walk around HOBBY LOBBY ought to give you plenty ideas.

    1. I found some great photographers who had worked with at least one or two ethnic models and was impressed by what they offered. Maybe tomorrow after work I'll list them. I was going to ask for feedback on who people thought may be good anyway this would be a good start.